Over the last little while, I have once again found myself in the company of the 'black dog'. It's hardly the type of 'pet' I'd wish on anyone, as its presence can certainly make you feel exhausted, worthless, and hopeless to say the least.
By the latter part of last year, I was able to free myself from living with said dog. Life was certainly great at the time and I couldn't be happier. I had gotten off the medications and I didn't expect to ever run into this dog again. But this year, this all changed.
I can't help but feel ashamed knowing that I am once again living with this black dog. As a result, this has made me reluctant initially to reach out to friends and loved ones for help. However, the more I tried to push on with life whilst in the presence of this dog, the sicker and more tired I grew. One day, I just couldn't get myself out of bed to go to work....I had let the dog win.
I am once again in the familiar cycle of hopelessness, isolation, inaction, and depression. I wish I could believe that because I've been through this before, I can get through it again this time....but it's just too bloody difficult. I find myself crying incessantly, sometimes with no apparent reason, and just wanting to hide from the world. But, this isn't me!!!
I know that in the past, blogging has certainly been a good means for coping with the 'black dog'....I've got my work cut out for me.
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