on this field of Medicine

To become a doctor has been a lifelong dream. I can recall playing with my mom's stethoscope as a young girl, carefully listening to the beating of my brother's heart. He was my frequent patient, and I'd even pretend to tap his knees to elicit his reflexes and to look in his mouth for his tonsils. Then, once I've thoroughly examined him, I'd create a diagnosis and advise him on how the treatment he should seek.

Growing up, I was fascinated by the way that Medicine could be used to cure people's ailments and to improve lives of others. Then, there was the feeling of making a difference in the lives of others, that I found hugely satisfying. Medicine, I knew from a young age, would involve a lifelong service to others; I decided then, even as a young girl, that I was prepared to spend my life doing so.

To this day, I still find myself feeling surprised at the thought that I am finally pursuing a dream I've held since childhood. With each new rotation, the more the thought of soon becoming a doctor further sinks in. It's been a long and difficult road to get to where I am, and I am certainly grateful for the opportunity to pursue this dream.

Throughout medical school, I've realized that there is this hidden curriculum to desensitize students, given their roles as tomorrow's doctors. From the very first day that we as students set foot in the hospital, we are cultivated to push past our emotions, in order to save the lives of others. The most evident, yet extreme example of this includes persisting with cardiopulmonary resuscitations on a dying patient--despite feeling sadness for such a patient, we are expected to maintain a calm composure, all the while breaking their ribs to administer chest compressions. I've certainly experienced this during my Emergency Medicine rotation and I did just that: I fought off my tears for this dying patient, while doing CPR on her. When the staff had finally reached the point where further CPR was no longer necessary and patient pronounced dead, I ran away from the scene, clear of anyone, and before I knew, tears came flooding down my face. For those experienced professionals, it would be a rare sight to see them overcome with such tears.

To an outsider, the world of Medicine can seem glamorous. I've had my taste of this whilst I was back in Toronto for the holidays. On Sundays, soon after mass, I would have individuals who never even gave me their time of day a few years ago, come up to me and acknowledge my presence. But, what's changed from those few years ago? Besides my age and outward appearance, it would have to be the fact that I'm on my way to becoming a doctor. Suddenly, I felt that people were giving me their attention only because they knew that I am pursuing this field.

Then there are those who would say to me that I need not worry about all the debt I would have to repay upon graduating. In their minds, being in medicine equates to a huge salary almost instantaneously. Little do they realize that a newly graduated doctor earns no more than the average-working Joe, that a doctor needs to have been working for a number of years in order to finally be earning the sorts of wages that normal folk envision all doctors to earn, and that doctors work in service of others often at a cost to their humanity. Don't get me wrong: I am by no means complaining about the responsibilities involved in this profession nor am I downplaying the importance of other occupations; but if only people can realize that Medicine is not as glamorous as they make it out to be and that in no way does being a doctor project the 'status symbol'.

At the end of the day, being a doctor is merely a job. As much as it IS a big part of my life, I don't necessarily want to let it dictate all that I am. I'm all about keeping a balance in life; I hope that when the time comes, I will become a well-rounded, passionate, and humane doctor who holds many interests outside their occupation.